


C'est L'histoire

by hauntedd



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Slice of Life, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4085899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedd/pseuds/hauntedd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You want to go to your lab, where you study black holes, instead of the hospital?</i>
</p>
<p>Cosima and Shay, post 3x07.</p>
            </blockquote>





	C'est L'histoire

Cosima reaches for Shay as she leaves the tub, wrapping the towel around her and grabbing at her clothing. The concern reflected in Shay’s gaze makes her wary. The last thing she wants is another person worried about her, waiting to see how long it takes for her to relapse. “Look—just, don’t freak out.”

“You’re bleeding, Cosima,” Shay frowns, “I’m a little freaked out.”

“Yeah, uh, I know. But—“

But the bleeding has stopped, _for now_. And she can just—ignore this, maybe, at least for a few more minutes.

“We have to go to a hospital, get this looked at.” Shay interrupts, putting a hand gently on the small of her back. Everything with Shay is gentle, affectionate. She enjoys the ease of it—the way that Shay just ebbs and flows.

She may not know where they stand, or where she wants them to stand, but she enjoys the way that she can just be.

“No, we need to go to D—err, my lab.” 

“You want to go to your lab, where you study black holes, instead of the hospital?”

Shit, yeah. When Shay puts it like that it sounds kind of bad. But Cosima knows that she can’t just go to a hospital. This is beyond their expertise and it’s not like she can go and announce her clone-dom to whatever resident is set to examine her.

“It’s not—it’s not really black holes. Well, it is, just not just black holes. Like it’s a big lab—“

“You work for the establishment, got it.”

“I don’t work for the—“

“You totally do. It’s fine—I kinda like it,” Shay smirks, nudging her shoulder. “And that’s saying a lot because I don’t usually dig this corporate thing.”

Corporate? Wait, what? She is so—not. No. Corporate is Delphine and power suits and Rachel and all that bullshit. She is doing it for the love of science itself. 

“I’m not corporate.”

“Oh, right. You’re the hard scientist studying black holes. I mean, you are pretty good at studying mine, so—”

Pretty good? Please, that is the one subject she always gets extra credit in.

“Really?” Cosima grins, trying not to laugh for fear of her cough taking over. “That is like—way worse than a high five.”

“Probably,” Shay winks, reaching for her keys. “But I think we’re getting off track.”

“You’re right. Sorry, you’re just distracting—and I don’t like talking about my ex.”

Shay slides a hat onto her head and Cosima pulls an arm through her red coat as if it’s effortless and they’ve been together for years, not a week and a half. She muses that things are moving fast, and she’s okay with it, because Cosima doesn’t know how much time she has left.

“How does your ex fit into this? I thought you guys just worked in a lab or whatever.”

Shit.

“Um… yeah. No. Delphine is a doctor at the institute. She does like immunology and we just ran into each other one day,” Cosima explains. It’s all true, _kind of_ , and Sarah says that the best way to fool somebody is to always start with a version of the truth.

Conning her friend, er, girlfriend—that’s a new one, and it makes Cosima feel horrible, but there’s not really much else to say. After Alison’s whole clone coming out party revenge thing with her mom, she’s not really sure how to float that anymore.

“And the rest is… _l'histoire_?”

“It’s over. Totally over,” Cosima agrees, following Shay to the door. “But she is my doctor—kind of exclusively.”

“Isn’t that violating like a hundred ethical lines?”

“No. I mean, yes, but—“

Cosima stops herself before she adds the rest of her statement— _but technically my DNA says that my genetic material is_ restricted intellectual property _and the patent law isn’t exactly clear on that whole… thing._ She has learned a few things from Delphine about trusting people too freely.

“No wonder she came over with a pee cup.”

“Yeah,” Cosima agrees, grateful that Shay understands where she’s going with this. “And she—she wants me to participate in this study. But I just, I don’t trust it.”

“But, don’t you already work there?”

“It’s not the same,” Cosima sighs as she hops into the passenger seat.

“Isn’t it? If they can make you better—“

“No. There was another person with this… condition. Delphine uh showed me her charts—I guess the institute is studying it? But it didn’t go well—for the other patient.”

And Delphine thought it’d be a great idea for them to cadaver the body. Cosima had thought she could handle it, and she did, but the sicker she gets, the worse her nightmares are. Sometimes, she wakes up sweating and terrified, the image of Delphine and Scott and some other girl with her face dispassionately cutting into her while she’s still warm on the table.

_I'm keeping my promise to love all of your sisters equally. But to do that, I can't do this._

That's what scares her the most.

“Dead?”

“Yeah. They tried all this stuff and it—“

“I guess I don’t see why you’re going at all if you’re uncomfortable—“

“It’s for my family,” Cosima interrupts. “I won’t do the study, but I’ll at least do the check-ups. You know?”

“I guess—“

She has to change the subject—she doesn’t want to cry, not in front of Shay, that’d be weird. But nothing about this is normal, really. Felix had said to find a scratching post and instead Cosima’s not sure what she’s found instead.

_What am I really looking for?_

_The one who stays in your heart forever, no matter what._

She’d been so sure, when Felix said it, that she’d already found that person. But the more time away, the more control Delphine exerts, the more Cosima questions if she’d ever truly known her in the first place. And while Shay isn’t that person, she could be, maybe.

This shit is hard, and her illness only makes it harder.

“And I want you there because—“

“Because?”

Cosima’s quiet for a second, trying to collect her thoughts. She knows that she wants Shay there, in her corner, but she also thinks it’s too soon to really feel love or whatever. She’s a scientist, she should be able to explain this easily—because of this variable, you get this result, but her heart isn’t logical and she won’t apologize for that.

“You treat me like a person, Shay,” she admits with a shrug. “I just—I’ve been sick for so long and I am tired of being treated like a subject or something to study. And before—it wasn’t like that. But Delphine can’t separate me from her job and I can’t live like that.”

Shay furrows her brow a bit as she turns down another side street, getting closer to their destination. Cosima’s stomach ties itself into knots waiting to see how Shay is going to take this confession. She is a _holistic healer_ after all, maybe sick people are her thing? And if so, she’s back at square one with a doctor and not a girlfriend.

“So you aren’t cool with the random pee tests, either?”

“No.”

“Damn—and here I was about to tell you about my favorite kind of shower,” Shay giggles and Cosima relaxes. 

“That wasn’t on your Sapphire profile,” Cosima teases, lowering her voice and wagging her eyebrows.

“Come on. We’re here. Let’s go and get this over with.” 

“Yeah. Are you sure you want to come? I know I want you here, but—“

“I’m here, aren’t I? And I don’t ever do anything I don’t want to do.” Shay’s lips gently press into Cosima’s cheek and her eyelids flutter in response. 

“Okay.”

“Plus, you can make it up to me later,” Shay smiles, her eyes dancing in the sunlight. “My hole still needs a thorough exploration, and you say you’re an expert.”

“Are you questioning my qualifications?”

“Maybe—“

“Oh, once I’m done, you’re on, girlfriend.”

“Is that what we are to each other?” Shay asks with a soft smile and Cosima squeezes her hand in response.

“Oh yeah, babe,” Cosima whispers. “Pretty soon you’ll be giving me all the high fives I could ever want.”

“I don’t know about that, _girlfriend_ ,” Shay grins, opening the door and leading her inside. “But I think I can be convinced.”


End file.
